The Abandoned Clown Train

When I first saw this picture of what the web has dubbed the "abandoned clown train," I was quite disturbed. Growing up, I was what you would call a scaredy-cat. Being alone in the dark scared me; large stuffed animals that were as tall as me scared me (especially a large stuffed animal placed ominously in a dark corner); abandoned buildings with broken out windows scared me (especially an abandoned building at nighttime); thoughts of discolored and dented vehicles being pulled from lakes and ponds (particularly ones that may have still contained people)--it goes on and on.

Seeing this rusted happy clown face, a shadow of its former glory, brought all of that back. Its current state in the middle of this overgrown field or pasture is definitely the kind of stuff that dominates my nightmares. I can see it now--as I await dreams of happiness and joy, my mind spitefully places me in this rusted clown ride on a dark night, which by some force is able to carry on like it once did. I'd be fastened of course, and unable to free myself. *shudders*

I tried to find out the location of this clown train. I read a few message board comments that say it's a ride that was abandoned in Pripyat, near the Chernobyl explosion; others speculate that it's an abandoned ride in a small town in Ohio. All I know is that if I stumbled onto this ride, day or night, it would take a team of rational-minded individuals to convince that it wasn't possible for this clown's little eyes to light back up, its train cars to realign themselves, and for the whole thing to squeak to a slow start--*cue squeaky, rusted sounds*--with a wicked yet cheerful declaration from the scary clown face confirming my worst fears: "Jennifer...I've been waiting for you....all aboard!" *squeak, squeak, squeak*

The Single Ton: What I Learned About Myself

sin·gle·ton (snggl-tn)
n.
1. Games A playing card that is the only one of its suit in a player's hand.
2.
a. An individual separated or distinguished from two or more of its group.
b. An offspring born alone.
[From the name Singleton (influenced by single).]

The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition copyright ©2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Updated in 2009. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.


singleton [ˈsɪŋgəltən]
n
1. (Group Games / Bridge) Bridge an original holding of one card only in a suit
2. a single object, individual, etc., separated or distinguished from a pair or group
3. (Mathematics) Maths a set containing only one member
4. a person who is neither married nor in a relationship
[from single, on the model of simpleton]

Collins English Dictionary – Complete and Unabridged 6th Edition 2003. © William Collins Sons & Co. Ltd 1979, 1986 © HarperCollins Publishers 1991, 1994, 1998, 2000, 2003

There's Something About Jennifer

Today marked the first time in about four months since I've used the gym at my job. I work in a building with a very complex layout, making finding the gym no easy feat for a newbie. My first time wandering through it, in my confusion at the lack of signs, I ventured into the men's dressing room by mistake. After encountering a naked man, another man shouted "This is the men's room. Leave!" I backed out apologetically, but based on his reaction, you'd think I was a lunatic. So that's why I never went back down there. Until today.

Nothing eventful took place. This post isn't even about the gym, I'm just rambling.

There's something about Jennifer. I would love to see an analysis of whatever energy I'm putting out into the universe. I attract the most "interesting" people to put it nicely. I always have. I have some funny and not so funny stories, but I'll just write about what happened to me after I left the gym this evening. Wow, so the gym does tie into this some kind of way. So I did my thing on the treadmill and my legs were a little tired afterward. I decided to catch the bus home and walked about two blocks to the bus stop.

About six or so minutes into my wait, a man who appeared to be in his 40's came to stand beside me. I noticed that he had an arm full of folders with papers protruding from them and had a satchel of some sort on his shoulder.

"How long have you been waiting?" he asked.

"Oh, about five minutes." He laughed.

[Now before I continue, I'll need you to channel one of the characters that Tracy Morgan played on SNL. A character named "Brian Fellows," a nature show host whose sexual orientation was questionable and who asked the most ignorant questions with an attitude, almost angrily, and with a stereotypical "diva" delivery. Click here to view a Hulu clip.]

"So did you go to any of the free concerts they had yesterday. Diana Ross, Aretha Franklin?" he continued.

"No, I didn't."

"Well why not! It's free!"

"I usually hear about things after they've happened, unfortunately."

As if I'd asked him to do so, the man proceeded to open one of the folders under his arm and pull out a packet of photocopied images of Diana Ross. He got closer for a little show and tell of his special collection.

"Do you see this jacket she's wearing, just look at that. Oh and those boots. Can you wear boots like that?"

"Uh, no, I don't think so."

"She looks so good to be 63. If you put your finger over her face like this, you'd think she was twenty something. Don't she look twenty something?"

"Yeh she does. Looks better than me. She looks real good."

The bus approached. "You catching this bus? Good, when we sit down I can show you the rest."

The female bus driver opened the door to let passengers off. While we waited, the man surveyed the driver, turned to me, and asked "Now she is in bad taste. Don't you think she's in bad taste?"

"Uh, I'm neutral. I don't have anything to say." The only thing I could imagine he didn't approve of were the woman's two-toned braids. But I was wearing braids as well. So I was quite confused.

"Well you either think she's in bad taste or you don't!"

So we get on the bus. He sits across from me and finishes the show and tell.

"You want this magazine?" he asked while offering me the lastest issue of Jet.

"No thank you."

"Well why not? I have two!"

Apparently, he was still appalled at the driver who was in bad taste. She must have triggered his memory of other experiences with such women.

"I walked up to this lady and I said 'Can I ask you a question?' She said yes, and I said 'How long have you been friends with bad taste?' She said 'Excuse me?' and I said 'Why do you have your m's confused? If you had a (m)irror you wouldn't look a (m)ess?"

"Wow," I replied, for lack of anything else. The man was attracting some attention from the other passengers, and as a result, so was I.

"She said 'For your information, I have 15 mirrors in my house.' So I said 'Well that leads to my next question. Why aren't you using any of them?'"

"Wow."

"Yes I did. And then there was this other lady with this real messed up weave. I said 'Excuse me, can I ask you a question? Why do you have your l's confused. She said 'What are you talking about?' I said 'It's not the (l)ength, it's how it (l)ooks.'"

We arrived at my stop and the man and I exchanged goodbyes as if we'd had run of the mill conversation. Ladies and gentleman, this is but one of the tales of my life here in the District. And so I sigh as I sip on the coffee that's pictured above. My adoration of my name wouldn't allow me to leave it on the shelf of the Smithsonian's gift store.

NYC for the Thrifty DC Tourist

Last year, I had the pleasure of taking an evening Technical Writing course taught by Thom Haller at the Graduate School (formerly Graduate School USDA). He found my writing style personable and encouraged me to post my work online. He was particular amused by my final project, a tourism guide for DC residents who were on a budget but interested in spending a day or two in New York City. I came up with the idea of creating a NYC guide after experiencing frustration at my lack of motivation to even attempt my original idea—a guide for enjoying DC on a budget. To bring in the new year in style, I decided to dedicate my first post of 2010 to two things I'm good at: self-deprecating humor and escaping to Manhattan.

New York City for the Thrifty Tourist
(A Guide For The DC Metro Area Resident Who Wants To Get Out Of Town For A Little While—But Not Hurt The Piggy Bank)

(copyright 2009. Jennifer Singleton)

Foreword I feel excitement and a renewed sense of purpose when I visit New York City. I want to share with DC-based readers a few tips I’ve learned during my adventures as a thrifty tourist in three of New York City’s boroughs. This isn’t a complete "how to enjoy all NYC has to offer on a small budget" guide, as my funds are always in short supply and my adventures usually confined to the basics. But the things I have seen, I enjoyed them immensely, and the people I’ve met—they were oh so "New York."

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Part One: So You Want To Visit NYC—But Don’t Have A Lot of Money
I. How Do You Do It?
II. The Most Important Step—Getting There

Part Two: You’ve Arrived In NYC. What Do You Do First?
I. Get To Where You’re Going
II. A Good Night’s Rest and Extra Money In Your Pocket

Part Three: Where Do You Eat and What Do You See?
I. Food Options
II. Entertainment
III. Networking Opportunities

Appendix: Helpful Online Resources

Part One: So You Want To Visit NYC—But Don’t Have a Lot of Money

Neither do I, but I make it work. And so can you.
Thanks to television shows and movies that portray Manhattan as a playground for the rich, many would-be tourists are apprehensive that the price tag for transportation to and from the city, lodging, and food is much too high. I felt the same way, until I figured out how to
Travel to NYC;
Spend a weekend in Manhattan, with a decent hostel room to lay my head and great ethnic food from neighborhood bodegas;
Entertain myself (which includes the traveling comedy show known as "public transportation"); and
Travel back to DC—all for less than $200.

I. How Do You Do It?

To visit NYC and not spend a lot of money requires restraint and flexibility. Too make this work you need to
Figure out how much you plan to spend, and try to stick to it—there’s nothing worse than overspending before your trip is over.
Make a list of places you want to see, and then divide that further into "must see" and "maybe next time"—planning is very important to the budget conscious traveler.
Branch out—NYC is just Manhattan. There are interesting places to see in Brooklyn, Queens, and the Bronx too.

II. The Most Important Step—Getting There

When I made the decision to visit the "Big Apple" two years ago, the only transportation options I thought were available for me were to either
Take the Greyhound bus;
Climb an Amtrak train;
Take out a small payday loan to afford a plane ticket; or
Fill up my gas tank and face my fear of driving to a place whose streets were notorious for eating out of town drivers alive.

DC’s Chinatown Buses

I figured Greyhound was my best bet until, almost by chance, a main handed me a flyer while walking through Chinatown on my way back home. It was a flyer for New Century Travels. I’d seen the large buses parked along H and I streets downtown, but never inquired as to what they were for. I went home and looked them up, and soon realized that my long-time desire to visit the Big Apple could be realized much quicker than I had thought.

Here are the websites for three popular bus carries based in Chinatown, DC:

New Century Travels (http://www.2000coach.com/)
Apex Bus (www.apexbus.com/)
MVP (www.mvpbus.com/)

Advantages of riding the Chinatown buses:

It’s convenient—there are frequent departure and arrival times.
The drivers are fast—take the 3:30 a.m. bus and you’ll get to NYC around 6:45 a.m.
It’s cheap—$35 round-trip from Chinatown to Chinatown, not bad at all.

Disadvantages of riding the Chinatown buses:

It gets crowded—it’s "first come, first board" on these buses. To guarantee a seat, try to arrive before the bus. They usually come around 20 minutes prior to departure.
You get what you pay for—hey, it’s cheap travel, don’t expect amenities like leg room or temperature control, or an attendant to walk the aisle and remind passengers to be courteous.

Megabus

There is another discount bus carrier, Megabus (http://www.megabus.com/), that offers an affordable trip to NYC from downtown DC. I’ve never used Megabus, but here’s how it differs from New Century, MVP and APEX :

There is no discount when booking a round-trip ticket—Megabus is $20 each way. The other carriers offer a $5 discount, making the total cost $35.
You have to select a return date and time—Not a bad thing for a lot of people, but in case your plans change while you’re in New York, it’s nice to know that you don’t have hassle in store if you missed the appointed time.

My Experience
I learned from experience that the 3 a.m. buses were quieter and didn’t have as many passengers. Quiet and room to stretch are not likely at any other time. Returning from DC, these inconveniences are unavoidable. I close my eyes and think of how much easier it is to be sitting there than in my car.

Part Two: You’ve Arrived In NYC. What Do You Do First?

I. Get To Where You’re Going

When you arrive, unless your budget allows for a cabbie to chauffeur you around as you sightsee, you’ll need to head to the nearest subway station and buy a fare card ("metrocard").

They come in one-day, seven-day, 14-day, and 30-day intervals. An unlimited card doesn’t start counting down the days until you use it the first time, but it can also expire if you buy one and let it sit unused for too long.

The buses in DC’s Chinatown have several drop-off points in Manhattan. New Century Travel and APEX drops you off in Chinatown at 88th and Broadway. MVP drops you off at Penn Station, right near Madison Square Garden. The only problem is that it’s easy to get turned around as you try to figure which subway number/color combination will get you where you need to be.
Traveling around the city on a budget requires you to buy a Metrocard—your "all access" pass to the city. Fortunately, you can use it on the subway and bus.

The New York subway system is an interesting experience. If you have an activity-filled day planned, then a subway map will be your best friend on your journey. Yes, it’s big, and, yes, it shouts "I’m a tourist!", but having it handy is more helpful than relying on the kindness of your fellow pedestrians to point you in the right direction.

II. A Good Night’s Rest and Extra Money In Your Pocket

Hostels

If you’re planning an overnight stay, before you look into expensive hotels, you may want to consider the convenience of a hostel stay.
When a hostel was explained to me years ago, I was under the impression that hostel rooms were shared with two or more people. And there are many hostels like this. However, hostels do have private rooms.

There are numerous sites for booking NYC hostels and reading traveler reviews. These sites should help in your search:

NYC Hostels (http://www.nychostels.com/)
Hostels.com (www.hostels.com/us.ny.ny.html)


Advantages of staying at a hostel:

It’s affordable—of course, they get sold out and increase prices like hotels, but during off-peak times, the hostels I’ve stayed in are cheap.
Nearby transportation—most of the ones in Manhattan are located very close to the subway.


Disadvantages of staying at a hostel:

Shared bathroom—though if you’ve ever lived in a dormitory, grabbing a pair of slippers to take a shower isn’t odd at all.
Private rooms might not be available—meaning that you may have to sleep in a bunk bed below or on top of a stranger.

My Experience
I have stayed at the Hotel Riverside Studios hostel on three occasions. I’ve never paid more than $90 per night. When I first saw the reviews online, I was apprehensive, but booked anyway, and I’m glad I did. The reception desk is nice and you get a personal escort. Plus, they have private rooms!

Hotel Discounts

I realize that staying at a hostel is not be for everyone. If staying at a 4- or 5-star hotel is what your heart desires, go for it. There are deals to be found. Try these sites:
NYC Hotel Discounts (www.nychoteldiscounts.com/)
Go NYC (http://gonyc.about.com/od/hoteldeals/New_York_City_Hotel_Discounts.htm)

Part Three: Where Do You Eat and What Do You See?

I. Food Options

I’m hungry, what can I eat on my budget?

Times Square has many fast food-chain options and a seemingly never ending supply of pizza by the slice places. These establishments are found in abundance in DC so why not take advantage of the new location. There are certain restaurants and foods that seem to be so "New York" that they simply cannot be passed up. And surprisingly, there are plenty of New York food establishments located throughout the city that don’t come with the New York price tag.
My suggestion to find great, cheap eats is to get out of downtown Manhattan. Venture into Harlem or Brooklyn’s Coney Island and Bedford Avenues. Be adventurous.
This is a great site to find the various vegetarian, Italian, Caribbean and other ethnic restaurants in NYC’s diverse outer boroughs: http://nymag.com/restaurants/.

My Experience
I had never heard of falafel until I went to New York. While walking down Broadway St, on my way back to Hotel Riverside, I stopped into a little shop, saw the dish on the menu. I received seven large falafel balls, a large salad, pita bread and dipping sauce for only $7.50. Down the street from Apollo Theatre at the Utopia Juice Bar, they serve generous portions of tasty vegetarian dishes for under $10. And I feel in love with a small diner called George’s in Brooklyn on Coney Island Ave, where they serve breakfast 24-hours a day. I left there stuffed, also at under $10. So there are definitely budget-friendly food options.

II. Entertainment

What’s there to do?

Pick up the free Village Voice newspaper that’s filled with event listings ranging from Broadway shows to hip-hop concerts. The newspaper is in bookstores, street newspaper dispensers, and in convenience stores. Check it out online at http://www.villagevoice.com/.

Your New York experience varies on the amount of money you have to spend and how much time you plan on spending there. I’ve only spent weekends, so my trips have consisted of walking until my legs grew tired, riding the city bus with no particular destination, window shopping, visiting landmarks, and perusing the exhibits at various museums.

You can spend hours in the museums, and there are usually interesting speakers and exhibitions to view. In addition to the Village Voice, you can check out museums offerings on this site www.ny.com/museums/all.museums.html that offers a comprehensive listing of museums in Manhattan and outer boroughs.

Additional resources to help you make the most of your NYC experience are listed in the Appendix: Helpful Online Resources section.


III. Networking Opportunities

Hanging solo can be fun, but for those who may want to supplement trips to the city with an activity partner, these suggestions are for you:

Craigslist—for the more spontaneous, adventurous spirit. There are a lot of single people that post on the site for others to join them on trips around the city, lunch at a trendy new restaurant, or to a comedy show in Times Square if they happen to have an extra ticket. http://www.craigslist.com/

Meetup—this site is for those who plan to make visiting New York at least a monthly occurrence. Meetup.com is an online community where people join hobby and interest-specific groups and "meet up" at different venues to network and have fun. It’s free to join Meetup and the fee to participate in your group’s activity is about $5. http://www.meetup.com/

My Experience
I posted an ad in the NYC Strictly Platonic section on Craigslist last year to say that I’d be in town for the weekend and wanted to go a play. I had several responses and ended up going to see an off Broadway show with one, and the top of the Empire State Building with another.
I joined a NYC card game group on Meetup and we meet once a month for bowling and Spades. So there, not everyone online is creepy and weird.
But, of course, only do what makes you comfortable.


Appendix: Helpful Online Resources

For Getting In and Out of DC…

New Century Travels
http://www.2000coach.com/

Apex Bus
http://www.apexbus.com/

MVP Bus
http://www.mvpbus.com/

Megabus
http://www.megabus.com/

For Falling in Love With NYC…

Subway and Bus Information (hey, it beats walking 30 blocks)

http://www.mta.info/

NYC Sightseeing (so much to see!)

http://www.mustseenewyork.com/

http://www.citysightsny.com/

NYC Parks and Recreation (Central Park sure is big)

http://www.nycgovparks.org/

Popular NYC Destinations (just a few, there are far too many)

Statue of Liberty http://www.libertytickets.us/

Empire State Building http://www.esbnyc.com/

Radio City Music Hall www.radiocity.com/

Madison Square Garden

http://www.thegarden.com/

NYC Restaurants (falafels, yum!)

http://nymag.com/restaurants

Broadway Shows (long lines are your friend)

http://www.broadway.com/

NYC Museums (don’t touch the exhibits, please)

www.ny.com/museums/all.museums.html