KanKick: Oh My God What I Have Been Missing?

Hello, gentle readers. Right now my ears are experiencing a type of auditory pleasure that is both rare and inspiring.

Excuse me for a moment, I think I hear something.....Is that one of my characters calling out for me? Ronald? Oh hey baby, hold on I'm coming, just let me finish this post. I last left you on the edge of your bed, didn't I?

Let me hurry this up, Ronald awaits. He comes when a delicious melody begins to court me.

So, I'm listening to a fellow by the name of KanKick. Remember the guy I mentioned in the other post who introduced me to Asheru? Well he also told me to check out a guy called KanKick who was pretty good. I wrote the name down, but it slipped my mind. Until tonight. Today was one of those days where I wanted nothing more than to hurry to the security of my home, lock the door, and not leave until I absolutely had to. I blew off a networking event tonight at a trendy spot where the area's "BUPs" (black urban professionals) like to hang out and impress each other. I wanted to be alone with Jennifer, to talk to her, listen to her. Just "do me" as they say. I have a lot on my mind these days. Mainly the future, what should I do next, what life is trying to tell me. Stuff like that. I arrived home to find another shingle had escaped from my roof (they've been sliding off for about two months now, causing me great anxiety). Discovering it pitifully hanging on my fence so that I would notice it immediately seemed like an appropriate ending to "just one of those days." So as I pondered the journey of finding a reliable contractor to climb atop my roof and hopefully not take advantage of me, I reached for my nightly comfort. YouTube. After listening to Jeru the Damaja kill his verse in "Return of the Crooklyn Dodgers," I remembered KanKick.

And oh boy.Let's just say that right now I'm feeling sooo much better. The day is now a memory, this whole week really. So I grabbed my cell phone and was planning to snap a pic of myself for this post, but they all looked terrible. Cell phone pics make me look fat, or should I say, don't hide it. So I said screw this, I'm going to make a video instead. Narcissistic videos are all the rage now, so I figured I'd give it a try too. Of course the quality is awful and I look better than what this video is claiming, but oh well. I'm posting it anyway. It's so odd to hear my own voice and see my facial expressions. I don't get to see myself like this.

So here's me listening to KanKick's "Deleting Programs" featuring God's Gift. Don't laugh too hard at me. It's my first time, OK?

What a Difference a Day Makes!

I felt great today, imagine that. Based on yesterday's post you'd think I was just about through. But nope, I survived. And I had a great day at work today. I was so productive and it felt good. For days now I've let some negative thoughts consume me. But I've moved through my stages of grief, let some things go in my mind, and finally allowed myself to believe that it's not my fault.

Ahh yes, the mind and imagination can bring such joy, yet such sadness. It's all about having balance. Life is like a roller coaster. When you begin to learn your cycle of events and occurrences, you tend to enjoy every drop of the good times because you know that a down time may come. And when it does, you were expecting it (because it's a part of life), welcome it, process it, and send it packing. For some good times are on the way and you need to make room.

Peace, all.

Dinah, take it away.

Ms. Understood

Hello,

My name is Ms. Understood, and hence the name, I'm a very misunderstood person. My mother understands me *shout out to mommy*. My close friends sorta get me. And for that I'm very grateful. But outside of these entities, I'm often assigned a personality I do not own, intentions that are not mine. And I apparently possess an aura that I wish would stop following me everywhere I go. Well, let me not wish that. I imagine it's doing some good things that I as a mere mortal am incapable of comprehending.

When I'm not being labeled as "quiet and shy," I'm accused of being "boring" (by people who have no desire to prove themselves right or wrong) or "innocent and naive" (by people who have no desire to prove themselves right or wrong). What I really love is when I'm placed on a pedestal of purity, and if I dare step down and become "normal," am met with an astonished disappointed that can be summarized with Jennifer, you?

I would never have guessed that at my age, I would still be treated as if I were a child, incapable of understanding the cruel ways of the world; an asexual being with no desire to experience the pleasures of the flesh; a quiet mouse who only squeaks every now and again; a sweet little thing who'd never ever curse; a young woman who despite growing up in the 80s and 90s is somehow ignorant of popular culture, particularly rap music. It goes on and on.

Well you know what everybody?

I'm a woman!!!!!! A normal woman!!!!! A regular adult!! My god, may I step down off this pedestal and have an alcoholic beverage with you, I can take it you know!! May I curse without a news crew being called because it's a big deal? May I get upset or have any normal reaction to life’s ups and downs? May I squat and shake my hind part to a booty bounce song without someone fainting from the shock? Sir, yes you over there, voulez-vous couchez avec moi ce soir?

Wow, this feels really good. I’m just tired of being misunderstood. I’m just tired of shocking people by doing the most normal, mundane things. I’m tired of being told I’m too nice by men. I’m tired of being told I need to get out more, but having to do it alone. I’m tired of being taken for granted. I'm tired of not being given a chance. I'm tired of the timing always being wrong. I'm tired of all the good ones being taken. I'm tired of the leaves in my yard. I'm tired of my commute. I’m just tired.

I would like to drink a glass of Chardonnay right now. But I must do it alone. Wouldn’t want to have more than one, become merry, start to act like the real me, and shock someone who had such high hopes for me.

Oh yes, before I forget, I hope you enjoyed a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday. I’ll be back with another post soon. Though November was busy, a paltry two postings is unforgivable. I’m sorry about that. Love you all. Forgive the rant. Just being normal. May I?

---Ms. Understood

Nina, take it away.

When You're Not "The One"

When you're not "the one" you seem to remember all the little things you shouldn't remember about him. When you're "the one" he remembers all those little things about you. When you're not the one, you pick yourself apart and ask yourself why. When you're the one, you have no questions at all. When you're the one, you can rest assured. When you're not the one, you're assured a restless night.

Yeh, I just freestyled that myself. I'm sitting here, sipping coffee and doing some freelance work. I decided to take a break and unload a little of what I've been feeling since I left work. I was on the train coming home when the hopeless romantic in me reared her neglected little head. She reminded me about "Tony," my last crush that went nowhere. (Why is this the story of my life?) I remembered that the year anniversary of my meeting him was coming up, November 14th to be exact. I then smiled a sad smile because I knew that he would never ever remember the date he met me.

I pulled out my cell phone and sent this text to my friend who's very familiar with how much I adored him:

Nov 14 is the day I met Tony. I still remember what he had on and how much I looked forward to seeing him again. I was so nervous 2 ask 4 his # but did anyway. I actually prayed that he'd feel the same about me. I prayed because I like him so much. Still do. Even though I'm not "the one."

Kinda deep right?

I had dinner, danced to work off the cookies I ate earlier, did some work, and then came to my blog. Where I discovered my thoughts of unrequited desire were still hanging around, demanding to be tended to. And so I'm tending to them. Through my words.

I have no shame in admitting that I rarely forget the people who've crossed my path. I remember them all. I wonder where they are; if they ever did that thing they wanted to do; if they ever bought that thing they wanted to buy; if they ever went to that place they wanted to go; if they've fared well in this roller coaster ride of life. That's just the kind of person I am. I know Tony will never read this. But here's to you anyway, Tony. Thanks for coming through, at least when it really mattered. Whenever you're ready again, and either find or reunite with "the one," I'm sure she'll feel very loved.

All the best to everyone.

About the couple up there: This beautiful scene was part of a calendar I bought over 6 years ago. The artwork was so beautiful I cut out most of the months and framed them. Gazing at their embrace puts a smile on my face; just like the smile on hers. I won't lie, there have been many nights where I wished we could trade places.


Signed,

The Hopeless Romantic on behalf of Jennifer Singleton

Playing with My Alphabets

All I want to do in life is

Be the best Jennifer I can be

Choosing more right options than wrong

Deliberately treating others the way I wish to be treated

Expressing myself the way I know best

Finishing the projects that I start

Getting out and enjoying life

Hitting the gym or the pavement to exercise

Imagining all the things that make me happy

Joining others in an effort to make the world a better place

Kicking out all the negative thoughts that invade my private time

Learning new things

Making sure the people in my life know how much I love them

Never taking my blessings for granted

Opening my mind to possibilities I haven’t considered

Protecting my spirit from harm

Questioning what I don’t understand, but learning to let go what I cannot change

Resting my mind at night so that my body will follow suit

Sharing my creative interpretations with others

Traveling to the places that bring me comfort

Understanding that time goes on no matter how much I object

Visiting my family often

Wearing clothes that flatter my frame

eXpecting to receive the kind of love and passion that I fantasize of

Yielding returns on my investments

and Zealously enjoying the simple things in life

Is that Jennifer? Girl, where have you been?

Someone very close to me told me tonight that because I had not updated my blog in a while, she in turn had lost interest in updating hers. Knowing this person very well, I suspected her disclosure was an attempt to entice me to share a few words, "musings," with the world, as I haven't published any thoughts since June 26th. Well, it worked. (Now get to work on yours, you know who you are.)

Here I am, out of hiding; though I wish I could say for how long. Lately the things I've had on my mind are not appropriate for my blog. I don't know, maybe if my name and picture wasn't all over it. They're not bad thoughts, just thoughts that not everyone understands. And for the people who know me, thoughts that would cause them to express such sentiments as "Aww, you poor thing, he's on his way" to "I thought you were intelligent, how could you write something so ignorant?" to maybe even "Wow, that's disgusting. You want to do what?"

You're curious now, aren't you? What on earth do I think about that I'm so afraid to chronicle for the world to see? Well, gentle readers, a whole heck of a lot. But, who am I to deprive you of the little tidbits of my existence. Here's a list of some of the things I've been pondering the past few weeks (in no order of significance):

• I need to lose weight. I feel as though it's keeping me from having the active dating life I deserve. And I guess the PC thing would be to say that I want to be healthier for my own good. So, um, yeh, that too.
• I'm a recent homeowner who is now wondering if I made the right decision. I'm overwhelmed by what I've done. Repairs are needed and things need replacing, and my lawn is dead. Oh, and I'm frightened that property taxes will continue to skyrocket. Where's my landlord? Someone take care of things for me again!
  
• I like someone who doesn't like me back. Will I ever not be that loser I was in high school who didn't even go to her prom because no one asked. The story of my adult life.
  
• I wear my hair natural, but sometimes I wish it were relaxed. Like right now.
• I've been worrying about old age, and whether I'll have enough money to take care of myself.
• I've been wondering what was behind Door #2. Did I make the right choices in life?
• Years have passed and my book is still not finished. Am I a writer or a dreamer?
  
• My wardrobe sucks. All I wear are black or gray pants and my choice of about 4 or 5 blouses.
• I want a vacation away from myself and all the responsibility that comes with taking care of me. I just want to be Jane X for about a week and roam about the land with no immediate needs or concerns.
• I bought some cookies after work and ate most of them. I wish I were stronger.
  

Well, there you have it. These are some of the things that entertain me during my waking and sleeping hours. Now if this is the stuff I feel comfortable sharing, imagine what's inside contained in the "X" files. *cue creepy music*

Until next time, my anonymous voyeurs. Dream of doing something wonderful; bonus points if you wake up and actually do it.


Love,

Jane

Relationships and the Economy

Here is a short article I wrote on maintaining relationships during economic hardship. A much shorter version will appear in an upcoming newsletter issue with a health and quality of living theme.
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Maintaining Healthy Relationships During Economic Hardships

The economic headlines are ominous: “More Layoffs Predicted”; “Unemployment Claims Climbing”; “Millions Without Healthcare.” If you or someone you care about is included in these statistics, you may already be aware of the strain financial hardships can have on relationships with family members, friends, romantic partners, and even coworkers. Below are some common issues that many are facing and ways to cope.

Your Family
The saying “blood is thicker than water” is often used to stress the importance of always having your family’s back, no matter what. But trying to “do right” by your family can pose a strain if you are the only member of a close-knit family who still has a job, or the one who everyone knows has it to spare. This gets even more complicated if multiples hands are extended.

What You Can Do: There is no one right way to go about dealing with a family member in this situation, but what you should remember is the importance of setting realistic limits and not overextending yourself. Trying to do too much is stressful and can interfere in your ability to handle things in your own life. Conversely, if you are the one who is experiencing a financial hardship, you should never try to make a relative feel guilty for faring better in this economy than you, nor should you embarrass him or her by boasting the specifics of their financial situation.

Your Significant Other
Seeing the man or woman you love face job loss or other financial hardship can be the ultimate test of a relationship’s strength survival and ultimate survival. One or both may feel the need to give the other space out of feelings of guilt, embarrassment, or helplessness. “If couples are honest and compassionate with one another, if they learn to work as a team, they could emerge with a better relationship,” says Pepper Schwartz, author of the New York Times article “Difficult But Valuable Conversations.” (April 2009)

What You Can Do: Communicate. Creating an open atmosphere where open and honest discussion can take place without fear of backlash is a vital part of maintaining a romantic relationship during a hardship; particularly one where traditional gender roles may have shifted. If your partner usually foot the bill and can longer do so comfortably, you have to ask yourself if you are comfortable stepping up, and if you are, for how long. If you are the one suffering the hardship, you have to determine how much of an effect you foresee it having on the relationship and communicating with your partner what he or she should expect. During this time, you can mix things up by introducing your spouse or significant other to new and creative activities that are both entertaining and free or low cost. But most importantly know that it is a frustrating time for you both. Your understanding and compassion for each other is needed now more than ever.

Your Friends
When your friends are experiencing financial hardships, you may feel awkward inviting them out to socialize. Or you may feel like you’re bragging by telling them about that kudos you got from your supervisor. Though their finances may be different, they are still your friends and may still want to spend time with you, and most importantly, they still want to root for you as you would for them. Maintaining a sense of normalcy is important for anyone experiencing this type hardship.

What You Can Do: Try to see each other as often as you did before. Simply meeting up for coffee to remind them that you are there can do wonders in maintaining a friendship through a rough patch. And if you can make the time, offer your assistance to help brainstorm new career moves, or keep an eye and ear out for job prospects in their field.

Your Coworkers
When layoffs or department restructuring hits the workplace it can be a very stressful time where anger consumes the laid off. Guilt can overwhelm the layoff survivors as they adjust to the loss of coworkers, a possible increase in workload, and heightened anxiety about how to behave around those who make hiring and firing decisions. The genuineness of workplace relationships is tested during this time, particularly if a workplace buddy gets to stay while you get the boot, or vice versa. Do you stay in touch or what?

What You Can Do: While it is easy to cut your losses when you or a coworker leaves the workplace, it is important to stay in touch with those whose work ethic or accomplishments you admire. Create or maintain existing connections with them on networking sites like Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter. And do not neglect the power of a personal phone call. You cannot afford to lose touch. Depending on your industry and the power of your network, you may miss out on an opportunity by allowing too much time to pass.

(Copyright 2010. Jennifer Singleton)

I’m So Special: The Narcissist’s Anthem

I’m so special
I’m so special, so special, so special

This is the addictive chant of a popular dancehall song, which, not surprisingly, is titled “I’m So Special.” The artist’s name is Movado, in case you want to hear it for yourself.

While many people aren’t as bold to make such a proclamation, the evidence of a majority of the population’s sense of “specialness” can be found on blogs, social networking profiles, and just about any other medium accessed by other humans.

Look how special I am everyone, they flaunt.
Read my opinion of politics, the deterioration of the family structure, rude people, interracial relationships, sex, they beg.
Look at how adventurous I am, I’m in a raft; I’m climbing a mountain, look at me, they show off.
Listen to my cover of this Otis Redding song, don’t I sound just like him? Give me a record deal, they bay.

I’m so special, they appeal to the masses.

And yes readers, so am I. My confession for today is that the older I get, the more fascinated with myself I become. I enjoy the way I talk and laugh, the way I think, my bizarre and dark sense of humor, my personality, how quickly my nails grow, how goofy I dance, just about everything about me is special.

I’ve often wished that I could clone myself so that I could hang out with someone just like me. I’ve also wished I could have neighbors just like me (to ensure decency), coworkers as considerate as me, customer service people who were as professional and kind as me. I’ve even expressed to my mother what a wonderful child I was, and that I would consider myself extremely lucky to be blessed with children who behave in the same manner.

So, much like those people, I regularly venture online to tell the world how I’m feeling, what I want out of life, what I think about life, what I’ve analyzed about my behavior. Perhaps I’m under the delusion that the world cares. Or perhaps I’m sitting here giggling in delight at the cleverness of my own thoughts and how happy I am to write all of this just for me.

Whatever it is, I’m here to report that it has spread to my offline life. I’ve started a “Facebook” page at the entrance of my cubicle, to notify coworkers of my daily thoughts. I call it Penny For My Thoughts. It’s a sheet of paper with a real penny taped on it and filled with my “postings.” I don’t get much foot traffic, so I doubt more than two people even realize what’s written on those papers stuck to the outside of Jennifer’s cube. But it’s there, folks. From my dreams of homeownership, to how I can be found at home on Friday nights while other D.C. singles are out on dates.

What would possess me to do such a thing? I’m so special. I’m so special, so special, so special.