Here is a short article I wrote on maintaining relationships during economic hardship. A much shorter version will appear in an upcoming newsletter issue with a health and quality of living theme.
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Maintaining Healthy Relationships During Economic Hardships
The economic headlines are ominous: “More Layoffs Predicted”; “Unemployment Claims Climbing”; “Millions Without Healthcare.” If you or someone you care about is included in these statistics, you may already be aware of the strain financial hardships can have on relationships with family members, friends, romantic partners, and even coworkers. Below are some common issues that many are facing and ways to cope.
Your Family
The saying “blood is thicker than water” is often used to stress the importance of always having your family’s back, no matter what. But trying to “do right” by your family can pose a strain if you are the only member of a close-knit family who still has a job, or the one who everyone knows has it to spare. This gets even more complicated if multiples hands are extended.
What You Can Do: There is no one right way to go about dealing with a family member in this situation, but what you should remember is the importance of setting realistic limits and not overextending yourself. Trying to do too much is stressful and can interfere in your ability to handle things in your own life. Conversely, if you are the one who is experiencing a financial hardship, you should never try to make a relative feel guilty for faring better in this economy than you, nor should you embarrass him or her by boasting the specifics of their financial situation.
Your Significant Other
Seeing the man or woman you love face job loss or other financial hardship can be the ultimate test of a relationship’s strength survival and ultimate survival. One or both may feel the need to give the other space out of feelings of guilt, embarrassment, or helplessness. “If couples are honest and compassionate with one another, if they learn to work as a team, they could emerge with a better relationship,” says Pepper Schwartz, author of the New York Times article “Difficult But Valuable Conversations.” (April 2009)
What You Can Do: Communicate. Creating an open atmosphere where open and honest discussion can take place without fear of backlash is a vital part of maintaining a romantic relationship during a hardship; particularly one where traditional gender roles may have shifted. If your partner usually foot the bill and can longer do so comfortably, you have to ask yourself if you are comfortable stepping up, and if you are, for how long. If you are the one suffering the hardship, you have to determine how much of an effect you foresee it having on the relationship and communicating with your partner what he or she should expect. During this time, you can mix things up by introducing your spouse or significant other to new and creative activities that are both entertaining and free or low cost. But most importantly know that it is a frustrating time for you both. Your understanding and compassion for each other is needed now more than ever.
Your Friends
When your friends are experiencing financial hardships, you may feel awkward inviting them out to socialize. Or you may feel like you’re bragging by telling them about that kudos you got from your supervisor. Though their finances may be different, they are still your friends and may still want to spend time with you, and most importantly, they still want to root for you as you would for them. Maintaining a sense of normalcy is important for anyone experiencing this type hardship.
What You Can Do: Try to see each other as often as you did before. Simply meeting up for coffee to remind them that you are there can do wonders in maintaining a friendship through a rough patch. And if you can make the time, offer your assistance to help brainstorm new career moves, or keep an eye and ear out for job prospects in their field.
Your Coworkers
When layoffs or department restructuring hits the workplace it can be a very stressful time where anger consumes the laid off. Guilt can overwhelm the layoff survivors as they adjust to the loss of coworkers, a possible increase in workload, and heightened anxiety about how to behave around those who make hiring and firing decisions. The genuineness of workplace relationships is tested during this time, particularly if a workplace buddy gets to stay while you get the boot, or vice versa. Do you stay in touch or what?
What You Can Do: While it is easy to cut your losses when you or a coworker leaves the workplace, it is important to stay in touch with those whose work ethic or accomplishments you admire. Create or maintain existing connections with them on networking sites like Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter. And do not neglect the power of a personal phone call. You cannot afford to lose touch. Depending on your industry and the power of your network, you may miss out on an opportunity by allowing too much time to pass.
(Copyright 2010. Jennifer Singleton)
March 20, 2010
March 14, 2010
Old Major's Dream
I was introduced to the residents in George Orwell's Animal Farm many years ago, and have never forgotten how moved I was by the suffering they endured. As the story begins, all the animals of Manor Farm are suffering at the hands of man, cruel oppressors indeed. As the story unfolds, however, we are saddened to learn that a revolution that was supposed to result in the animals' independence, results only in them receiving a new oppressor, a new ruling class...their own brethren, the Pig. How does this happen? How could members of an oppressed 'people' become oppressors themselves? You'll have to read to find out. You won't regret it.
The story opens with Old Major, the most respected animal on the farm, gathering all the animals together to tell them of the strange dream he'd had the night before. What results is a collective call to free themselves from the regime of Mr. Jones, Manor Farm's owner. Here is an excerpt of the moving speech:
"Now, comrades, what is the nature of this life of ours? Let us face it:
our lives are miserable, laborious, and short. We are born, we are given
just so much food as will keep the breath in our bodies, and those of us
who are capable of it are forced to work to the last atom of our strength;
and the very instant that our usefulness has come to an end we are
slaughtered with hideous cruelty. No animal in England knows the meaning
of happiness or leisure after he is a year old. No animal in England is
free. The life of an animal is misery and slavery: that is the plain truth.
"But is this simply part of the order of nature? Is it because this land
of ours is so poor that it cannot afford a decent life to those who dwell
upon it? No, comrades, a thousand times no! The soil of England is
fertile, its climate is good, it is capable of affording food in abundance
to an enormously greater number of animals than now inhabit it. This
single farm of ours would support a dozen horses, twenty cows, hundreds of
sheep--and all of them living in a comfort and a dignity that are now
almost beyond our imagining. Why then do we continue in this miserable
condition? Because nearly the whole of the produce of our labour is stolen
from us by human beings. There, comrades, is the answer to all our
problems. It is summed up in a single word--Man. Man is the only real
enemy we have. Remove Man from the scene, and the root cause of hunger and
overwork is abolished for ever.
"Man is the only creature that consumes without producing. He does not
give milk, he does not lay eggs, he is too weak to pull the plough, he
cannot run fast enough to catch rabbits. Yet he is lord of all the
animals. He sets them to work, he gives back to them the bare minimum that
will prevent them from starving, and the rest he keeps for himself. Our
labour tills the soil, our dung fertilises it, and yet there is not one of
us that owns more than his bare skin. You cows that I see before me, how
many thousands of gallons of milk have you given during this last year?
And what has happened to that milk which should have been breeding up
sturdy calves? Every drop of it has gone down the throats of our enemies.
And you hens, how many eggs have you laid in this last year, and how many
of those eggs ever hatched into chickens? The rest have all gone to market
to bring in money for Jones and his men. And you, Clover, where are those
four foals you bore, who should have been the support and pleasure of your
old age? Each was sold at a year old--you will never see one of them
again. In return for your four confinements and all your labour in the
fields, what have you ever had except your bare rations and a stall?
"And even the miserable lives we lead are not allowed to reach their
natural span. For myself I do not grumble, for I am one of the lucky ones.
I am twelve years old and have had over four hundred children. Such is the
natural life of a pig. But no animal escapes the cruel knife in the end.
You young porkers who are sitting in front of me, every one of you will
scream your lives out at the block within a year. To that horror we all
must come--cows, pigs, hens, sheep, everyone. Even the horses and the dogs
have no better fate. You, Boxer, the very day that those great muscles of
yours lose their power, Jones will sell you to the knacker, who will cut
your throat and boil you down for the foxhounds. As for the dogs, when
they grow old and toothless, Jones ties a brick round their necks and
drowns them in the nearest pond..."
Note: I think we are truly blessed to have access to art, from literature to paintings to sheet music, that can educate, entertain, and inspire us long after the creator has left us. Anyone with a nagging thought or idea, please record it at once. These characters, Old Major, Mollie, Boxer, and others, haunted Mr. Orwell's thoughts for who knows how long. Thank goodness he wrote down what they had to say before it was too late. As a result, millions around the world have analyzed, discussed, and taught the meaning behind those words. I'm certainly inspired.
The story opens with Old Major, the most respected animal on the farm, gathering all the animals together to tell them of the strange dream he'd had the night before. What results is a collective call to free themselves from the regime of Mr. Jones, Manor Farm's owner. Here is an excerpt of the moving speech:
"Now, comrades, what is the nature of this life of ours? Let us face it:
our lives are miserable, laborious, and short. We are born, we are given
just so much food as will keep the breath in our bodies, and those of us
who are capable of it are forced to work to the last atom of our strength;
and the very instant that our usefulness has come to an end we are
slaughtered with hideous cruelty. No animal in England knows the meaning
of happiness or leisure after he is a year old. No animal in England is
free. The life of an animal is misery and slavery: that is the plain truth.
"But is this simply part of the order of nature? Is it because this land
of ours is so poor that it cannot afford a decent life to those who dwell
upon it? No, comrades, a thousand times no! The soil of England is
fertile, its climate is good, it is capable of affording food in abundance
to an enormously greater number of animals than now inhabit it. This
single farm of ours would support a dozen horses, twenty cows, hundreds of
sheep--and all of them living in a comfort and a dignity that are now
almost beyond our imagining. Why then do we continue in this miserable
condition? Because nearly the whole of the produce of our labour is stolen
from us by human beings. There, comrades, is the answer to all our
problems. It is summed up in a single word--Man. Man is the only real
enemy we have. Remove Man from the scene, and the root cause of hunger and
overwork is abolished for ever.
"Man is the only creature that consumes without producing. He does not
give milk, he does not lay eggs, he is too weak to pull the plough, he
cannot run fast enough to catch rabbits. Yet he is lord of all the
animals. He sets them to work, he gives back to them the bare minimum that
will prevent them from starving, and the rest he keeps for himself. Our
labour tills the soil, our dung fertilises it, and yet there is not one of
us that owns more than his bare skin. You cows that I see before me, how
many thousands of gallons of milk have you given during this last year?
And what has happened to that milk which should have been breeding up
sturdy calves? Every drop of it has gone down the throats of our enemies.
And you hens, how many eggs have you laid in this last year, and how many
of those eggs ever hatched into chickens? The rest have all gone to market
to bring in money for Jones and his men. And you, Clover, where are those
four foals you bore, who should have been the support and pleasure of your
old age? Each was sold at a year old--you will never see one of them
again. In return for your four confinements and all your labour in the
fields, what have you ever had except your bare rations and a stall?
"And even the miserable lives we lead are not allowed to reach their
natural span. For myself I do not grumble, for I am one of the lucky ones.
I am twelve years old and have had over four hundred children. Such is the
natural life of a pig. But no animal escapes the cruel knife in the end.
You young porkers who are sitting in front of me, every one of you will
scream your lives out at the block within a year. To that horror we all
must come--cows, pigs, hens, sheep, everyone. Even the horses and the dogs
have no better fate. You, Boxer, the very day that those great muscles of
yours lose their power, Jones will sell you to the knacker, who will cut
your throat and boil you down for the foxhounds. As for the dogs, when
they grow old and toothless, Jones ties a brick round their necks and
drowns them in the nearest pond..."
Note: I think we are truly blessed to have access to art, from literature to paintings to sheet music, that can educate, entertain, and inspire us long after the creator has left us. Anyone with a nagging thought or idea, please record it at once. These characters, Old Major, Mollie, Boxer, and others, haunted Mr. Orwell's thoughts for who knows how long. Thank goodness he wrote down what they had to say before it was too late. As a result, millions around the world have analyzed, discussed, and taught the meaning behind those words. I'm certainly inspired.
March 1, 2010
And I Love Her
Dear Inspiration,
It's me again. I miss you terribly, I mean it. Please come back to me. I feel so good when I'm with you, it's been so long since you've blessed me with your presence. I'm sorry that I've allowed you to slip away again, will you please forgive me and return to my soul?
Dear Jennifer,
I'm tired of going through this with you. You summons me; I appear; then you allow everything else in your life to take precedence over what I provide. How many times have I given you the perfect ending? Delivered the right arrangement of words? Yet what have you done with it? Nothing. I'm not sure if you deserve another chance. Do you know how many writers anticipate my arrival and reward me by expeditiously jotting down what I conjure in their minds? You ma'am have a lot to learn. But that's why I'm here. I see that you struggle and I don't want to give up on you (you're my favorite of them all). I return time and time again, each time hoping that you finally use me to make your literary dreams come true. But remember, though you're my favorite, I'm still not monogamous. I spread my ideas around (yes, even that particular one you hold so dear), and if you don't use it, someone else will.
Moving on, I know how much you enjoy listening to Ahmad Jamal. I found this little gem to help you travel to that special place that seduces your creativity. Now get to work, don't make me regret this.
Dear Inspiration,
Thank you for not giving up on me. I'll see to it that your efforts are not in vain. Thanks for the musical elixir, "Swahililand" is the truth. Off to create magic.
It's me again. I miss you terribly, I mean it. Please come back to me. I feel so good when I'm with you, it's been so long since you've blessed me with your presence. I'm sorry that I've allowed you to slip away again, will you please forgive me and return to my soul?
Dear Jennifer,
I'm tired of going through this with you. You summons me; I appear; then you allow everything else in your life to take precedence over what I provide. How many times have I given you the perfect ending? Delivered the right arrangement of words? Yet what have you done with it? Nothing. I'm not sure if you deserve another chance. Do you know how many writers anticipate my arrival and reward me by expeditiously jotting down what I conjure in their minds? You ma'am have a lot to learn. But that's why I'm here. I see that you struggle and I don't want to give up on you (you're my favorite of them all). I return time and time again, each time hoping that you finally use me to make your literary dreams come true. But remember, though you're my favorite, I'm still not monogamous. I spread my ideas around (yes, even that particular one you hold so dear), and if you don't use it, someone else will.
Moving on, I know how much you enjoy listening to Ahmad Jamal. I found this little gem to help you travel to that special place that seduces your creativity. Now get to work, don't make me regret this.
Dear Inspiration,
Thank you for not giving up on me. I'll see to it that your efforts are not in vain. Thanks for the musical elixir, "Swahililand" is the truth. Off to create magic.
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