At the beginning of the year I wrote out a few goals I wanted to accomplish. I didn't call them "resolutions" as it would tack on extra guilt if I failed to follow through on any of them. One of my goals was to apply to the MA in Communication program at Johns Hopkins University. And I did! However, applying to graduate school takes a bigger emotional toll on me than other typical applicants because I have a low undergraduate GPA. I won't say how low, but it's low and is generally not considered competitive. Applying to graduate school, for me, entails explanation and a convincing argument. My argument is simple--consider my undergraduate performance of 10 years ago if you must, but look at all I've accomplished since then to advance myself in this field. This is what I asked the JHU committee to do. After careful consideration, they decided that I simply wouldn't be successful in their program. With so many applicants with higher GPAs, I understand that some sort of ranking and filtering was needed. It doesn't make me feel any better though. To know that once again, my present means nothing, only the past, which I've spent years trying to overcome. I was very disappointed and felt so exposed. I'd opened myself up to these strangers, presented painful records for their judgment, and asked two of my supervisors to complete lengthy recommendation forms. I told one supervisor the news, but I've been too embarrassed to tell the other. I will though.
During these past few weeks since getting rejected, I've done a lot of pondering about whether it was a sign that I don't need that type of validation to be successful in my career; or whether I'll be forever cursed to carry the albatross of my academic failure, forever judged by the poor choices of 19-year-old me when the present-day me has kicked ass in her professional life. I still don't know. But I do know that I have to move on.
I've scheduled an informational interview with a manager in the communications specialty I'm considering moving toward--public affairs. This is my first step to moving on. Learning which skills I currently possess that are valued, what experiences I'm lacking, things of that nature. Perhaps I have all I need right now. The key is to take the first step.
I'll let you know how it all goes.
