Character Negotiations: An Everyday Struggle

"To write or not to write?" Oh how cliché. And it isn't my question at all.

What I ponder is how to better strengthen the communication between me and my characters. Our schedules are rarely in sync. When I'm at work trying to concentrate on what I'm being paid to do, my characters tap me on the shoulder to finish their thoughts. Ronald, a sweet tortured soul residing in an exquisitely chiseled frame, feels the need to explain what he does in the bathroom sometimes after losing yet another battle with temptation; Lauren, the “good woman” men claim to want yet can never recognize, confides in me the details of the last straw. The sky is darkening; chicken is frying; depression is growing; betrayal is looming; parents aren’t understanding; hypocrites are judging—all of these scenes, these smells, these sights, and this passion bombard me throughout my workday. The people I’ve created do all they can for my undivided attention. Meanwhile, editing requests are coming in, rush jobs are being left in my inbox, deadlines are closing in. Reality wins in this battle with fantasy; and worse, my characters—whom I ask to understand the reasons why I can't entertain them at the moment—inevitably become offended and leave in a huff.

A short time later, alone in my little cave listening to Ahmad Jamal, the Roots, David Bowe, Stevie Wonder, practically holding a séance for the right words to return to me, they laugh. Or send irrelevant filler text in their place. Oh how they laugh at my inability to remember the right string to form the right sentence to craft the right paragraph.

Curse you devious words, I muse, you only want me when you see that other words crave my attention. When I ditch them and offer myself to only you, you reject me. I suppose if I didn’t love you like I do, then you’d never leave my side. I would have captured you in a book by now. I see your game…I don’t want to play, but I’ll do it. You’ll submit to me one day, you tempestuous plot you. You'll submit to the ravagement of my pen...maybe even my keystroke.