What do the lonely do....at Christmas?

Allow me to answer that question. I can only speak for myself, but I think I speak for the majority of us who will be "lonely" on Christmas.

What do the lonely do?

Ans: We promise ourselves that the next Christmas holiday won't find us in the same predicament.

Here's to "us." Wherever you are, here's to you. Merry Christmas. I hope you are loved...by someone.

Times are never that hard

In the past I've made blog posts of the comments I've made on my favorite message board. The last one I posted was in July, about a professional woman whose ex-con boyfriend murdered her. I was very sympathetic to the victim because I knew this guy wasn't her first choice, and that perhaps, she had inadvertently made it very difficult for herself to find a mate because she 1) she desired a mate of the same race; 2) was over 30; 3) didn't look like a model; 4) had a college degree or two; and 5) had a good career and, more than likely owned her own home. While initially, these traits scream "ideal woman," for so many women (myself included) they can render you damaged goods because you aren't damaged goods.

As you can see, when I'm passionate about something I tend to go on and on. So back to the point of this post. I decided to make another post to show that while I'm very sympathetic to some women who, because of societal circumstance, decide to date down and settle, I also become quite enraged at others who settle for seemingly no good reason at all. Of course, I realize that I'm bias, and that I don't know these people I make assumptions about. Honestly, I just get a vibe about what's going on.

The reply below came from a thread about a woman who decided to live with a man she'd known less than six months (I don't know whether she moved in with him, or he with her, but I assume the latter because this is a typical female thing to do). Anyway, this woman didn't know where her live-in worked. That's right. He has not told her. Yet she continues to live under the same roof and live each day in ignorant bliss as though she isn't a straight up and down fool. Here's what I had to say:


This is so ridiculous that I'm angered. They actually moved in together and she doesn't know where he works. Does she call him at work? Nothing in her is curious enough about this man she sleeps with and has opened her life up to insist he tell her where his money comes from? I want to say mean things about her and her upbringing because I'm so mad. This is so foolish.

The only thing that would make this acceptable is if he has told her and it's so classified and dangerous that she can't tell anyone else. But then again, she'd just say I can't talk about it. This woman actually doesn't know. I can't believe that men complain they can't find a woman. Look at all these stupid foolish women walking around that will accept anything, anything at all and actually love you for it. I see why it's so hard for men to not take advantage of the stupidity that persists in women.
So yes, while I'm often sympathetic to the plight of women in this cruel dating world, there are others who make me deeply ashamed that other men may look at me and assume that I too am an absent-minded, desperate idiot like the hoards of others who look like me. *sigh* Unfortunately, proving them wrong has been to my detriment. For I stand among only a few women who look like me who stubbornly cling to the belief that accepting BS is a job best suited for the plains on which said bull roams.


Signing off,

Jennifer Singleton

He's Just Not Into You (Love and Basketball)

So I tuned in to watch the Cavaliers-Heats game tonight. Not because I'm a die hard b-ball fan, but to witness for myself the childish, hateful antics I heard some of the Cavaliers fans would perform. And they didn't disappoint. Boos, vulgar taunts, chants, holding up signs with nasty messages on them, giving the middle finger, just about anything they could legally do to make Lebron James feel as much hurt as they felt following "the breakup." It amazed me that some of these people had no clue how petty they looked, how unstable. Or perhaps they didn't care that the rest of us found their attachment to this man—a basketball player—and continued anger over his leaving something that required a hug, and for some, counseling.

Looking and listening to their reactions over the past few months made me think about the power of rejection. Most people associate rejection with romantic interests, and are usually quick to tell the rejectee to "get over it" or "it's not that serious" or "don't sweat it." However, when that rejection comes in other forms, let's say a basketball player leaving your city, prolonged angry feelings are encouraged.

No one likes to be rejected, no matter the situation. The stuff hurts, and if you've experienced it, you know it's a feeling that calls you to question whether you'll ever know the happy feeling of acceptance. But if the poor, rejected lonely hearts are told to toughen up and get over it, shouldn't other rejectees, who may not have had their romantic feelings rejected, but their sense of entitlement to, let's say, a basketball player, yanked away?

I looked at the forlorn faces in the stands of the Quicken Loans Arena and couldn't help but make the comparison between them and the millions of hopeless romantics who wait for returned phone calls, texts, and emails that will never be, only to have to force themselves to process through their grief very quickly and finally come to the realization: he (or she) just isn't into you. Move on. Your "soul mate" certainly has.

My heart goes out to those Cavs fans who feel anything close to "real" rejection. That's a hurt I wouldn't wish on anyone. Everyone should know they have someone who will never leave.

Peace to all.

Check out my creativity at work with my teddy bears who graciously volunteered to illustrate how much rejection sucks. Observe the great acting, look at both the happiness and pain on their faces. Look at the talent I have around me. Thank you bear-y much guys.

In happier times



And then......

When the thrill is gone

What a Difference a Day Makes!

I felt great today, imagine that. Based on yesterday's post you'd think I was just about through. But nope, I survived. And I had a great day at work today. I was so productive and it felt good. For days now I've let some negative thoughts consume me. But I've moved through my stages of grief, let some things go in my mind, and finally allowed myself to believe that it's not my fault.

Ahh yes, the mind and imagination can bring such joy, yet such sadness. It's all about having balance. Life is like a roller coaster. When you begin to learn your cycle of events and occurrences, you tend to enjoy every drop of the good times because you know that a down time may come. And when it does, you were expecting it (because it's a part of life), welcome it, process it, and send it packing. For some good times are on the way and you need to make room.

Peace, all.

Dinah, take it away.