A few weeks to go

What a year 2020 has been. Like millions of others I'm looking forward to seeing a different year. While I'd prefer to go back a few years, I know we must move forward, so 2021, where the hell have you been.

It's been a long 12 months, over half of it unlike anything this country has ever seen. I told myself that this was my year to finish my novel, and while I've made progress, I also started a new job in the midst of a pandemic, ensure my boys are OK in their Zoom classes each day and deal with the stress of politics, civil unrest, injustices, the end of my naivety on certain issues and a not-so-new lifestyle that no longer involves interacting with other adults face to face for 8 hours a day, feelings of isolation, with getting dressed and heading out for a morning commute and heading home for an evening commute a distant memory. I need to cut myself some slack. We all do. 

At the peak of the pandemic, there was a meme making its rounds that went something like "Have you started a business? Went back to school to get a degree? Learned a hobby? If not, you never lacked time, you lacked discipline." It was supposed to be motivational, but I didn't like what it implied. Shortly after I saw a new meme, one with all those "get off your butt" tough love-isms crossed out and replaced with something like "If you got out of bed this morning, then you're doing OK. You don't have to do all these things, we're in a pandemic, it's OK to be in survival mode." 

I'm glad someone said it. The pressure to have used this time at home, if you were able to be at home, to change the world, do all the things you never did before, all while having a positive attitude and carrying on like nothing happened, was ridiculous. 

I lost a co-worker. Several family members are lucky to be survivors of it. I've started and stopped my fitness journey three times since March. I'm having to learn a new job remotely without ever having met my co-workers in person. Yeh, sorry, getting my PhD and applying for several grants to launch a nonprofit are things I'm just not thinking about right now, and that's OK.

What I did do was attend the NYC Pitch Conference (remotely) and got great feedback on the story I'm currently working on. I joined the executive board of my sorority's local chapter and chair a committee focused on helping seniors in the county. I also cut my hair and said goodbye to my reliance on wigs and other "protective styles." I needed a change. My husband gets credit for practically insisting I visit the barber for a fade and line up. Something to switch it up. 

So as I wait for a new president to take office along with other major changes that await the country, I have hope that I will one day soon walk into a store and see people smile again, see their faces, and not have my glasses fog up. I have hope that people will forgive one another; that people realize some ugly truths about themselves and work towards healing; that people who lost their loved ones this year from COVID-19, police brutality, senseless violence, hate crimes, depression and suicide, and more --- that they find the strength to continue on with a renewed sense of purpose. And that they find peace.

Just a few weeks to go....