The Top Ten Self-Publishing Myths

The Top Ten Self-Publishing Myths


Myth #10: The only authors who self-publish are those whose writing is not good enough to be published by a traditional publisher.

Truth: This was probably never true because the first publishers were in direct competition with rich men who could afford to self-publish. These publishers actually created the concept of the vanity press, and rode that horse to huge profits. Today, however, things have changed. Rumor in the book industry has it that no large publishers are offering contracts to new authors unless that author has a following of at least 25,000 and a large online presence. For most major publishers, this is unofficial policy. Book sales in the 10,000 to 20,000 range used to be enough to make the midlist, but these days, a book with these sales would be considered a failure by large houses. The midlist author of the past is today’s self-published author.

Myth #9: Readers do not like to read self-published books.

Truth: Readers do not want to read bad books, no matter how they were produced. Although publishers and other writers might be biased against self-published books, readers just want to know that they’re going to get their money’s worth. Huge self-publishing successe s like The Celestine Prophecy, and The One Minute Manager prove that readers are interested in the content, not who published the book. The issue is trust. That’s why it’s so important for self-published authors to make sure they get the best book possible out there. If it’s well written and well marketed, readers will buy it.

Myth #8: People who read can tell when a book is self-published because the standards of production are lower.

Truth: While publishing professionals might be able to tell the difference, regular readers will not notice minor differences in binding or laminating, and as long as your book looks more or less the same as similar books and the text is easy to read, most buyers won’t know (or care) about the size of the margins or the gutters.

Myth #7: Self-publishing is expensive because you have to order a lot of books up front and pay for publishing services.

Truth: A book is a product that you are trying to sell, and it has to be comparable in quality to the competition: other books that others are trying to sell. If you know how to format your own book and design your own book cover using software like Photoshop you can probably do a lot of the setup yourself. You will still need to obtain and ISBN, an EAN, a Library of Congress number, and a barcode, and you will also want distribution, and possibly editing. If you can afford it, these services are available through publishing companies. Some publishers do require their authors to order minimum print runs, which can cost thousands, or even tens of thousands, of dollars. However, POD (print on demand) publishers don’t require authors to order any books. And in some cases, a number of books are included with the publishing package.

Myth #6: No one reviews self-published books.

Truth: In fact, self-published books do get reviews. Some even get reviewed in major magazines and newspapers. However, these are the exception, not the rule. Most POD books get reviewed on radio, in local media, in regional magazines, and on the internet.

Myth #5: Self-publishing is expensive because you have to pay large setup fees.

Truth: Some publishing companies include the actual publishing of the book in the setup fees. If the setup fee includes formatting, the essential administrative numbers (ISBN, EAN, LOC#, and barcode), a custom cover, and distribution then you aren’t really paying for setup, you’re paying for publishing services. Watch out for those companies who tell you a small setup fee that doesn’t include any real services.

Myth #4: It’s hard for self-published authors to succeed because they have to do all their own promotion.

Truth: Here's a quote from a Senior Editor at Harper Collins: "I won't even look at a book unless the author is prepared to do a book tour and book signings..." If that's not work, I don't know what is. All authors are required to do promotion on their books. No one, except celebrity authors, gets their books out into the marketplace without working for it. No large publisher will take on a new writer who isn’t about to do the promotion, the book tours, and the media interviews.

Myth #3: Self-published authors are at a disadvantage because they’re unknown and there’s no quality control system in place on published books.

Truth: Self-published authors are usually unknown; there’s not much that can be done about that. However, there are a few self-publishing companies who do insist on quality in editorial as well as production values. Such publishers don’t take every book that comes in “over the transom,” and because they have standards, it’s easier for potential readers to trust the books they sell.

Myth #2: Most self-published authors can’t get their books into large chain brick-and-mortar bookstores like Barnes and Noble and Borders, and you have to have books on these shelves to be successful.

Truth: Once, chain bookstores were the only place to buy books, but that’s no longer true. According to a recent poll, only 32% primarily shop for books in chain bookstores. 43% of respondents buy their books online and 9% buy most of their books from small, independent bookstores. 16% bought elsewhere--in drug stores, specialty shops, supermarkets, warehouse clubs, and airports. Plainly, since 68% of buyers buy elsewhere, chain bookstores are no longer the be-all and end-all of bookselling.

Myth #1: Self-publishing is okay for some, but I want writing to be my career.

Truth: The length of the mainstream author’s career is under the control of his or her publisher, and future prospects are only as good as the sales of the last book. If your book doesn’t earn back its advance, or sells only modestly beyond the advance, the publisher will not want to publish your next book. Only 1-2% of all books published become bestsellers. Take a look in any bookstore at the books that are not selling in huge numbers. Take a look at the remainder tables. It may be rare for a self-published book to become a bestseller, but for that matter, it’s rare for any book to become a bestseller. Most books make their money in the long tail of sales, which brings in as much income as the bestseller, the difference being that this money comes in over time rather than all at once. Those writers who persevere no matter what, who continue to write and to publish, who continue to add books to their product line and promote them, can succeed.

A self-published author’s career isn’t over until the author decides to stop publishing. The self-published author’s career makes it or doesn’t based on the author’s work and the author’s willingness to keep writing, publishing, and promoting. It’s not up to anyone else to decide if you’ll be an author; and it’s not up to anyone else to decide when you’ll quit.



*****Credits: Courtesy of PodPublishing.Org

Should Texting Be the Middle Man in Relationships? « Clutch Magazine

Should Texting Be the Middle Man in Relationships? « Clutch Magazine

I ran across this Clutch article and it resonated with me because of something I've been encountering the past few years, much to my frustration: people's inability (or refusal) to verbally communicate in an engaging, reciprocal manner. With these tech advancements we enjoy, we are also losing touch more and more with face-to-face and mouth-to-ear phone interactions. Everyday, I see everyone looking down at their phones for hours each day, scrolling their thumbs across screens, checking out what's happening in other people's lives, replying with what's happening in theirs. All through text and symbols. These same people may say they're not "phone people"; yet, their phones keep their hands company for many hours each day. What they really mean is that they aren't comfortable actually talking to others. When you're texting and emailing, you can create a persona—funny, tough, extremely busy, sassy, whatever you want. But to speak in person or let someone hear your voice is to remove your cloak of invisibility in a way. You expose your eyes, your facial expressions, your intelligence, your true personality. You're expected to deliver in real time. And some of us simply aren't "good" at it.

For those of us who still prefer to communicate verbally and who enjoy stimulating conversations where each participant is inquisitive and engaging, yet are forced to write character-limited messages instead. Or forced to feel like an interviewer on the phone when someone refuses to reciprocate the interest or keep the momentum going....You're Not Alone.

There's a lot of us who remain. I'm not sure what will become of us, but for now, we are here.

Here's to voice-to-voice. The most amazing resource we humans have.

The Artwork of Greg Slade

I met an artist last night at a networking event. His name is Greg Slade, a DC native, who was showcasing his work. It was such a pleasure to speak with him and exchange interests, among which was an appreciation of literary classics. However, the highlight of my evening was viewing his artwork. I hate to sound cliche, but the pieces I saw were unlike other artwork I've seen. His use of bold, vibrant color and detail; the emotion each piece exuded; the way he captures eyes....it was like watching a part of a fantasy; a spiritual journey; a dream.

I made this post to give Greg a shout out and to show my appreciation. I so admire creative spirits....whether they express themselves through pen and paper, the perfect combination of musical notes, molding and sculpting, or through strokes on canvass. I love beauty. I love to ponder. And I love to see and hear things that send me on a journey.

Here is Greg's website: The Artwork of Greg Slade. Check out his work. Show him some love on his guestbook. And most importantly, if you see something you like, I'm sure he'd appreciate your purchase or commission request.

All the best, everyone. I'll be back soon.

Calling All Hip-Hop Heads!!

Mainstream hip-hop is dead, at least to most of us over the age of 30. We hip-hop heads have fled to a thriving underground where, thanks to the internet and word of mouth, we are enjoying life and are listening to good beats and thought provoking lyrics—some actual meaning. I miss when this was the norm.

I haven't done a post like this in a while. It's just my little way of saying "thank you" to the folks who give us great music to reflect on, stir our creativity, mellow us out, hype us up, whatever we need it to do.

For today's homage, I'm taking it back, sharing three oldies (but goodies) that have made me wish that I was living in NYC in the 90s and able to travel locally to see these dudes perform these "joints" in person. Just wish I could have been in the crowd, soaking up that energy.

Jeru the Damaja



KRS-One



De La Soul

No Longer On the Outside Looking In

Well, gentle readers, Jennifer has found a graduate program she can call her own. After repeated graduate school rejections, I've finally found acceptance of my work experience and career interests. Starting in January, I'll begin work toward earning an MS in management with a public relations specialization. I'm pleased.

As I've shared with you, for years I've been dogged by the existence of my undergraduate transcript, which bears a low cumulative grade point average, and offers an inaccurate portrait of who I was back then. But as they are saying nowadays, "it is what it is." I'm tired of apologizing for it, which I had to do over and over again as part of my applications to graduate admissions committees. I was beginning to think that I'd never be forgiven for a undergraduate career that ended almost 10 years ago.

My career goals have changed, and I've sought a degree that reflects that and speaks for who I am now. This school has been there all along, but I never gave it much consideration as I felt it didn't have the clout as some of the other more prestigious schools in the area. But after more research, I discovered that it indeed held its own as far as reputation and alumni and would be very welcoming to a student like me. Just a weary traveler who wants to continue her education, and has the skills to back up what she claims she can do.

So, here I am, preparing to embark on a new journey. As much as this means to me, I won't be neglecting that part of me that doesn't care about a degree or networking or resume building. The part of me that just wants me to finish writing my book. I haven't forgotten you.


Love,

Me

Happy Halloween!!

In honor of Halloween, I decided to actually celebrate it this year instead of just stuffing my face with ghost and witch shaped candy. I like Halloween but never buy a costume or go to a spooky party or haunted house. You know, have a scary good time. So a couple days ago I decided to change that for Hallows Eve 2011.

After work, I headed over to the Crime & Punishment museum for Fright Night, a haunted house which featured the actual retired electric chair from the Tennessee State Department of Corrections. Now, I'm a girly girl, but I'm not afraid of house of horror stuff like other females seem to be. While waiting in line outside (by myself mind you) the other ladies where clinging to each other in nervous anticipation. Asking one of the guys who was working the door for confirmation of what awaited us so they could shake in fear some more. I stood fearless and when it was time, walked in there like a boss. Two minutes later......the screaming I heard was coming from ME. Man, all manner of ghosts and ghouls were jumping out at us. One was even revving up a chainsaw. We had to crawl through a dark tunnel into an even darker room where at any moment, someone or something could leap at us.

Needless to say, I was relieved when at the end of the ordeal, a "corpse" laying on the floor pointed his hand toward the exit door. And there I stood on the sidewalk again, having escaped Fright Night.

But wait......there's more.

Feeling as though my Halloween had just started, I walked myself a couple blocks to the movie theater to see Paranormal Activity 3. Yes, I did this immediately after the haunted house (by myself mind you). Now, I'd seen the first installment and wasn't exactly impressed, as it was like watching Blair Witch Project all over again. But I figured what the heck it's Halloween.

During the movie I was creeped out a bit. There were a few jolts. But for the most part, I didn't consider myself scared. But the audience was a different story. The participation was incredible. They screamed, they jumped, they yelled, they cursed. It helped me get into it more. Afterward, I was pleased that I'd gotten out and enjoyed myself. I just knew that I'd left my frights where I'd found them and that I'd enjoy a good night's rest.

I was wrong.

I wasn't at home 20 minutes before I started to hear sounds that unnerved me. What was that?....a bump? What was that?...is there someone upstairs? What the hell?...did something just land on the roof?

Readers, I tell you this. I DID NOT SLEEP A WINK. As I lay in bed, worried that the Paranormal ghost had followed me home, I vowed that I would never again try to be all big and bad and go to a haunted house and scary movie back to back just because it was Halloween.

Some things just aren't worth it. And now I'm exhausted and have a lot of missed sleep to make up for.

Yep, next year it's back to candy corn and the SyFy channel.

Realizing My Potential

I realized about two years ago that a leadership role was in my future. It was just a feeling that began to take over me as I became more confident in my work role and my ability step outside of my comfort zone. I was coming into a sense of no longer being an apprentice, but a subject matter expert. I was being called on by the higher ups to make final editorial decisions, and was taking others under my wing and sharing my experiences and best practices with them. I saw the change happening and was amazed at who I was becoming.

I'm a nice, sweet, kind, gentle soul....I hate it sometimes, but it's who I am. But as nice as I am, there's a fierce leader inside of me. I often surprise myself when I have no reservations about expressing differing opinions in meetings; offering to do something a totally new way; asking for help when I need it to ensure I provide quality products. I never considered these to be leadership qualities. But they are.

I bought See Jane Lead a year ago, read the first two chapters, and put it down to tend to some of my more pressing life issues. Last week, I went to my bookshelf on a search for an unfinished good read and picked up where I left off. So much has changed in the past year, and this book is even more relevant to me now. I've been promoted and with that have received more responsibility and the designation by my peers as the "go-to" person for editing and writing related issues. I've come a long way. There are times when I beat myself up, thinking I'm unmotivated or that I'm too lazy for my own good. But when I sit back and think of the work I've done and the risks I've taken to get to this point.....I smile. Jennifer did it. And will continue to do so.

I don't think this book is just for women, the subjects Lois Frankel discusses can be applied to anyone in the workplace who desires to attain a leadership role. Check it out, you'll learn about the following topics:

The Feminization of Leadership

If You Can Run a Household, You Can Be Strategic

Taking Risks: No More Nice Girl <----This is the chapter I'm on now

Influencing With (and Without) Authority

From Cheerleader to Coach: Motivating People to Achieve Their Best

Leading Teams: From the PTA to the Boardroom

A Woman's Secret Weapons: Likability and Emotional Quotients

Women as Entrepreneurs: Leading Your Own Enterprise

Raising Our Daughters to Lead

Writer Beware™ Blogs!: How to Satisfy Your Reader without Being Predictable

Writer Beware™ Blogs!: How to Satisfy Your Reader without Being Predictable

I found this advice on creating a successful balance between predictability and reader satisfaction so interesting that I wanted to share it with you. Give it a read.

Farewell Sir: Steve Jobs' 2005 Stanford Commencement Address

Upon learning yesterday of the passing of Steve Jobs I felt the type of sadness I've experienced at the news of a work acquaintance's death. I didn't know him, yet I was familiar enough with him to understand how much he'd be missed. The last thing I'd heard of Mr. Jobs was his recent resignation as Apple's CEO, for undisclosed reasons I'd read. I knew however that it was the result of his lengthy battle with cancer.

As I watched a mini-tribute of his life, I felt my sadness dissipate a bit as I remembered that this man had achieved what so many work tirelessly each day to achieve---build a legacy. His "I was here" was chiseled in stone a long time ago. When I have this realization about people, I feel happy for them. Their deaths are no less emotional, but what's different is that I don't feel as though I should mourn what could have been if only they'd....

I celebrate their achievement, them having left a mark on the world. Mr. Jobs' influence in the technology world will last for many more decades. But for me, I think I'll be more affected by his 2005 address at Stanford University's commencement ceremony. I listened to a clip in which he spoke on the inevitability of death. His words were quite profound and I wasn't surprised that these were the words chosen for inclusion in his tribute. His insight blew me away. I thought about it throughout the day today, and decided to make a post in dedication to the address's full transcript. It's long, so I suppose I'll stop typing now and let you start reading it.
---------------------------------------------------

"I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out? It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on.

Let me give you one example: Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, it's likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.
This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope it's the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:
No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.
Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much."

Something Different: The First Sentence

I decided to try something new with this post. I'm calling it first sentence. I got the idea from rereading some of the hundreds of emails I've sent to my friend, Melissa, this year alone. Sometimes we're corny; sometimes we're depressed; sometimes we're angry; and other times, we're just plain bored. I'm amazed at how I routinely suffer from writers' block when it comes to making any progress on my novel...yet I can write her a descriptive email that speaks of pain, yearning, love, desire and "unbridled enthusiasm" with relative ease. I'm just in one of those moods tonight I suppose, a mood to share my world. So here are the real first sentences from a few of the more interesting emails I've composed to my dear friend.

Something tells me I'm sitting on a gold mine with these opening liners. Think Jennifer, think. Why are your opening lines so darn good?

---------------

"I know this sounds terrible but I wish the male:female ratio here in the US was similar to China, where men are desperate to find wives."

"I have to face it, I'm not wanted in the dating pool."

"I wasn't feeling that self conscious when I walked into work this morning, but now I am."

"Remember the scene from Color Purple where Sofia came out of her comatose state after Celie finally stood up for herself?"

"OK, so I've been feeling a little down with all the evilness occurring in politics the past few years."

"I've changed so much in the past few years."

"When I woke up this morning I knew it was going to be a blah day."

"All the men in my fantasy life are falling into disfavor with you I see."

"I swear on my last good meal that I'm the butt of a mischievous fairy's joke."

"I give up, it's going to be far too hard to convince men that I am a normal adult woman."

"As you know, I find you very interesting."

"Is it possible to feel jealously on someone else's behalf?"

"I'm glad that you helped that guy reflect more on his friend's character and his feelings for her, rather than her condition."

"Life does indeed enjoy ultimate power in whether we have a good day or bad, a happy journey or miserable one."