Procrastination: My Friend, My Enemy

Monday morning. I arrived at the office at 7:45am and was met with my coworkers' surprise at my early arrival. Any other workday at that time, I would be digging through a pile of clothes for something decent to wear so that I could rush out of the house and catch my 8am bus. But today at 8am I was settled in my cubicle with the soothing warmth of my coffee awakening me and attempting to open a Word document. I needed to finish editing it before a 10am deadline. However, Word decided to process at a geriatric snail's pace, and if I dared scroll too fast, freeze up entirely. As expected, this drastically slowed my editing time. At 9am I called the person awaiting my work and explained the computer dilemma. Thankfully he understood. I continued to sweet talk the Word program and caress the mouse, all in an attempt to not upset things any more than I had. It worked! Word relented, allowing me to send the document off at 9:52am. The only problem was that I wasn't satisfied with my work. I wanted to look over it one more time, to apply that last layer of icing on what had the potential to be a very pretty cake. (with coconut flakes, hmmm)

I would have felt better had I not procrastinated. You see, I could have finished it Friday, and I kicked myself for not doing so. Though it wasn't my fault that the computer had a tantrum, and that I lost my edits twice, the breakdown only reminded me how I repeatedly have these close calls. I have the darndest time motivating myself to complete something when I have ample time to do so. I am motivated by fear and all of the chemicals that are released during a time of high stress. I need to know that the 25-page document lying in wait on my desk or inbox is due at 3:30pm...TODAY. And that the time is now 10:12am! Now, don't misunderstand me. I get the job done, and I've been told that I do it quite well. It's just that I wish I was one of these editors who get an assignment with a week to spare, and finish it two days later just for the heck of it. But I love what I do--arriving to the destination of a well-written, grammatically correct something or other. I just take the scenic route to get there.

Ah yes, proscrastination, you can truly be my foe at times; though I manage to beat you every now and again, when the stakes are high. But you are also a friend, a companion when I need a mental escape from the looming responsibility of completing a task. For while I battle with you to allow me to take care of it, you fill my imagination with the images, sounds, emotion, and often intense feelings I need to write, sing, dance, laugh, desire, and reflect. I suppose I should be grateful that I know how to stop and smell the flowers. I just wish I could do that and run a perfectly organized and efficient life at the same time.