In Case I Hurt Your Feelings, I'm Sorry

So I'm sitting here listening to music, pondering how to end my night. Yes, at 8:37 on a Friday night, I'm nearing the end. No nightclub; no date; no meeting girlfriends anywhere; no movies; no nice restaurant; no cuddling on the couch with a member of the opposite sex; no kissing; no yanking off my clothes in a fit of passion; no getting ready in front of the mirror to go to a party; and no "baby, I'm outside."

Tonight, my options are: 1) marinate the pork chops pictured here; 2) dance to music; 3) watch tv; 4) continue to sit here at the computer; 5) lie to myself that I'll do something fun next weekend to make up for this one; 6) buy a bus ticket for NYC for a day or two to escape what I've created here at home; 5) go to sleep early; 6) get on my exercise bike to alleviate my guilt from not walking this evening; or 7) browse Craigslist 'Missed Connections' ads to see if someone is looking for me. Oh who am I kidding, as usual, I'll do most of these things. So in a way, I guess my Fridays are pretty eventful, now that I've written out my itinerary.

But moving on. I didn't start this post to spill the details of my exciting existence. I want to apologize for some mean things I did as a kid. I was sitting here feeling emotional and suffering from cramps and bloating, when I started to feel sad for the bully I used to be in elementary school. That phase of my life didn't last long, and I wasn't a violent bully, but a more mischievous one. And besides, I got it all back ten-fold in middle and high school when I became a shy and awkward loser and a social outcast. Still, I wanted to put it out there in the rare chance that my "victims" remember my name, and Google me to see if misfortune has befallen me, and if so, to laugh. Though I'm happy to report that life has been pretty good to me.

I apologize to the following individuals:

• The girl whose shirt I blew my nose on, while she was still wearing it.
  

• The girl who I would walk closely behind just so I could step on her heels.

• The girl whose candy I stole out of her booksack during recess.

• The boy whose school supplies I stole, brought home to destroy with my mother's makeup and a pair of scissors, then brought back to school for him to "find."
  

• All the kids whose belongings I would take off their desks to place in different areas of the classroom, just to create confusion. And to laugh.

I apologize because I'm not that person anymore, and haven't been since that time. The person I am now is sensitive to the misfortunes of others; understanding; sickeningly kind; protective of others; a pushover if I like you a lot; and overall, a pretty good person and great friend. For every bad thing I did as a youngster, I assure you, I've gotten it back. I hope you all are happy, fulfilled, in love with your lives, have found "the one," have great families, careers you love, and most importantly, have forgotten all about me.

Peace to everyone reading this.

JS