I've been working on Sweety's finale for three days now and I think the reason I'm having so much trouble is because I put too much pressure on myself. The other installments came so easily because it was random literary freestyle. But I feel like I'm forcing the ending for the sake of not letting too much time go by. For those who are anxiously awaiting, it's coming. I'm sure my fellow writers can appreciate the need to feel truly ready to unveil a creation. If something seems off, it probably is. And that's how I'm feeling right now. I want to feel at ease. Wow, it's only taken me seven lines to get to the point of this blog post.
Feeling at Ease. What is this?
For me, it's when my mind and body agree. I have written before about the tension that exists between my mind and body. Neither seems to want to do what the other wants. When my body is tired, my mind is fussing and pondering and keeping me up. When my body wants to attend a networking event, or go somewhere to socialize with peers, my mind could care less and presents strong evidence of the possibility of my being bored, wasting my time or money, or how fulfilling it would be to open up a book instead. Right now, these opponents are arguing yet again over whether Jennifer can afford to give in again to being human. My mind says no, citing past experiences that indicate Jennifer is one of those women who can't do what the others can. That she won't get the results the others seem to get. That she will still be in search of satisfaction.
My body disagrees, as usual, countering that this time would definitely be different. Yeh right, poor thing, it can't see that the mind is 100% correct. Those in the game aren't held to the same standards as Jennifer. Without even asking for it, she's placed on a pedestal by the powers that be, and in this position there are rules to follow. Rule #1: "You are a good girl and will not be viewed in any other way. So don't even try it." Rule #2: "Respect is contigent upon following rule #1. Failure to do so by requesting to be treated like any other healthy woman will result in the immediate removal of said respect."
And so the mind wins out. The concensus being that Jennifer shouldn't go outside to play with the others (even though she really wants to). She's clumsy, can't play too good anyway, and will just lose her glasses with her blind self. And then how will she find her pedestal? How dare she think it's okay to even get down from there in the first place.
In conclusion,
My mind knows what it needs, but realizes that the universe refuses to allow for it at this time. And in its withdrawal, my body looks for alternatives to relive its suffering--little sweet temporary fixes known as Jelly Bellies. $3.99 a bag at the corner Safeway.
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