I'm sitting here listening to music (Anthony Hamilton, Cappadonna, and Slum Village to name a few), looking over the online version of a style manual that may help me in my new job, and wondering if I should get off my bum and go for a walk, get on my exercise bike, or put in an exercise DVD. I've been involved in a lot of community service these past few months, and have kicked up my efforts to plant social and professional roots in the soil of this city that I can only describe as "quick, hurry, busy." And for the most part, all of it has been very rewarding. But I've given more than what has been replenished. I'm feeling drained, like I need to go plug myself into an outlet for an hour or two. Too bad the body and brain don't work that way. They are a complicated pair that need many things (nutrition, rest, exercise, the sun's rays, water, validations and ego boosts, noise, quiet, mental and physical stimulation) to perform at their best--to be "fully charged."
My body is tired, but my mind never wants to rest; I'm lacking something crucial to bridge this gap, but I know not what it is. What I think I need remains as elusive as world peace. The path to what I'm told I might need wasn't created for me at an early age, and now as an adult, forming it by myself is proving difficult. What I've noticed is that I try to fill my life with things that my simple mind understands as "what's probably best" to ensure my happiness, success, and well-being. But these things ultimately, and disappointingly, fail to help me bring my mind and body together again for a sense of contentment and completedness.
My questions to the great universe is why do I continue to pursue these exercises in futility, or expertly act out the definition of insanity? I wish what I needed was more clear and, most importantly, accessible and receptive to me without hindrance, barrier, or confusion.
I would like to experience a little thing known as reciprocity. Just once, it's all I ask.
And maybe for the sun to offer me the extra light I need to get to work on that path. Whatever folks say is at the end of it must surely be something special.
With all the sincerity my little heart can muster,
Jennifer
your posts are the best. I place the opening bid on your drawing of the sun and the rain, the simplicity of classic etching
ReplyDeleteWhy thank you. I'm a firm believer in drawing whatever you can't seem to find to illustrate your point. Lookout for more crude etchings in the near future :)
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